Killing Stalking and BDSM misconceptions

Earlier today it was brought to my attention that “the blood and violence in Killing Stalking is because of a thing that’s called BDSM” in a comment in the yaoi Amino and I just… I can’t, okay? I can’t let these misconceptions be a thing anymore. I’ve done this for each Fifty Shades movie that has come out up until now, so I’m gonna do it again for Killing Stalking. Now get into your seats and quiet down, because class is in session.

BDSM has strict rules, the most important of which is “Safe, sane, consensual”.
This means that:
1) A dom can’t bring their sub any real harm.
2) You are only allowed to engage in BDSM if you are psychologically strong enough to keep differentiating your role as dom/sub from who you really are. I could go into detail about this, but googling the Stanford Prison Experiment will get you all the information you need.
3) Doms and subs must communicate clearly and honestly about every aspect and make sure the other is okay with what is going to happen during play. E.G. if you didn’t communicate about incorporating asphyxiation in your play, don’t choke your partner etc. because that’s a pretty shitty thing to do.

The most important thing, however, that separates Killing Stalking from BDSM is the complete lack of safewords. A safeword is a word (or a gesture, in case a gag is involved) that the sub can use to tell the dom that they are no longer okay with what’s being done to them. Once the safeword has been used, the dom is obliged to IMMEDIATELY stop doing whatever they’re doing and make sure the sub is okay and, if they’re not okay, make sure they will be.

Instead, what Killing Stalking DOES, is taking BDSM character dynamics, but throwing the harm and mental manipulation that goes completely against the “Safe, sane, consensual” rule into the mix. It caters to the same rapey fantasy a huge amount of hentai caters to, where the submissive character is being abused for so long until they develop Stockholm Syndrome or the prisoner mindset from the Stanford Prison Experiment mentioned earlier.

And I’m not saying this is a bad thing per say, and that you’re bad for enjoying such a thing. It’s fiction after all! But BDSM has practitioners in the real world that suffer from these misconceptions being spread after the release of the Fifty Shades books and movies and modern media like Killing Stalking.

Honestly, all I’m asking here is to please do your research before you label something abusive as BDSM, because it can seriously harm real world practitioners.

I hope this was educational. Class dismissed.

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6 thoughts on “Killing Stalking and BDSM misconceptions

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  1. hmmm, but maybe the comment is pointing to hentai-like BDSM. not necessarily the practice but the elements incorporated into the thing. I’ve never thought the safe word thing is actually real though, but I have zero knowledge of BDSM. the comment sounds shallow though, so I guess I understand how annoying it can be. XD

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The comment probably sounds a bit shallow because I had to paraphrase it. The original was full of spelling errors (like BSDM) that I took out 😅 The original comment did feel like it was written by a twelve year old who just learned about the existence of kinky stuff, but is ultimately super uneducated on the subject. Personally, I was that kind of twelve year old know-it-all, so I like to think I know one when I see one 😂 And yes, safewords are totally a real, pretty cool thing! It’s okay not being very knowledgeable about SM, I didn’t expect anyone who would read this to be, I just want people to be able to tell apart emotional abuse and kinky sex after reading this.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. my only exposure to SM is through yaoi, and they dont really have safe words. XD
        and I also don’t really have much to say about LGBT things, so I really enjoy your posts. I guess Im just not exposed to a lot
        of it to say anything about it. I do cringe at how ignorant some people can be, but they cpome from both sides actually.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yeah, unfortunately they do come from both sides. Sometimes it’s like fighting a two front war 😅 Trying to educate them usually seems to be the best way to go about it though, because I’ve gotten some good reactions from the yaoi community that prompted me to write this!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. it’s a good thing they listen. some people are just stubborn, and they won’t admit they’ve lost or they’re wrong just for the heck of it. it can be incredibly annoying sometimes.
        but yes, your posts are very helpful. thank you.

        Like

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